Today is going to be a fabulous day! I have the day off. In case anyone is wondering, I run a daycare in my home and it just so happens I don't have any kids today! Woo Hoo!!!! S just had a bath and is taking her morning nap. I'm doing a little blogging then going to shower. When S wakes up we'll have lunch then head to Owatonna. I'm having Katie touch up my tattoo at 1pm and then Megan, S, R, and Mary are going shopping in Medford! Old Navy is having a pre-sale of their tank tops for $2! How can you beat that! Especially with a limit of 10. Ha! I LOVE Old Navy's tank tops! After shopping we might take the girls to a park and play for awhile and then we'll see what the night brings.
The Husband has to work tonight so it will just be me and S. Grandpa called yesterday and wants S to spend the night with the rest of the girls tomorrow night and maybe tonight too. That will be fun for her! Well I'm off to get ready for the day!
~Kristin
Friday, June 24, 2011
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Another Missed Appointment
So I reminded the Husband yesterday that he had a dentist appointment today at 1pm. Well It is now almost 3pm and he is still in bed sleeping. This ALWAYS happens. If I don't wake him for appointments he misses them. I'm not his mommy. I'm his wife. He is capable of setting an alarm clock and getting up and going to appointments on his own. Why doesn't he get this? I don't know, but I will not allow him to depend on me for the things he is capable of doing on his own anymore. This is just one of the many things I will be working on not doing for him. Although, when the dentist office called wondering where he was I did reschedule the appointment for him. And I will write it on the calendar and tell him about it. I will not, however, be waking him up to make sure he gets there, or anywhere else for that matter, on time.
On a good note, I have tonight off work. S and I will find something fun to do hopefully and maybe get outta the house for a while since its been rainy and nasty here all week. Husband gets paid tomorrow so bills will also be paid! Yay! It feels good to get bills paid on time. Yeah, we might be a little short on cash next week but we will survive! That's all I have for now, shopping in Medford tomorrow with friends, my twin sisters' 7th bday party on Saturday night. Should be a good weekend!
~Kristin
On a good note, I have tonight off work. S and I will find something fun to do hopefully and maybe get outta the house for a while since its been rainy and nasty here all week. Husband gets paid tomorrow so bills will also be paid! Yay! It feels good to get bills paid on time. Yeah, we might be a little short on cash next week but we will survive! That's all I have for now, shopping in Medford tomorrow with friends, my twin sisters' 7th bday party on Saturday night. Should be a good weekend!
~Kristin
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Using again?
I'm starting to think the Husband is using pot again. All of a sudden he's eating chips and salsa at 3am when he gets home from work. And this morning he got up at 8:30, had a bowl of cereal and went back to bed. These are things he did was he was using. Do I know for sure if he is doing this? Nope. Am I OK with not knowing? Nope. I hate not being in control of my thoughts. I hate always thinking my Husband is mad at me or lying to me. How do I get away from this kind of thinking? I have no idea but I found some books online that might help me find the answer. So I'm off to the bookstore to *hopefully* find a couple books to start reading to help me through this rough time.
*Update
I bought the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I have read the first 4 chapters and already know this book is really going to help me. Earlier in the day I text the husband and asked if he was mad at me since he still hasn't spoken to me since Sunday night. His response was "this is not the time, nor the place to describe how I feel..." I responded "Can you at least tell me what's going on, I'm worried about you." His response "Nope...I need r help telling the Drs what I'm like without the correct meds...Hold on for the ride! I love u!" My response " So you would rather put me through hell than talk to me and tell me what's going on?" His response "Yep, this is all about u...Yak..." My response "I never said this was all about me but damn don't you care about how I'm feeling at all? I care about how you're feeling and I want to help where I can but if you don't talk to me how am I supposed to know how to help you?" His response: NOTHING. There ya have it folks. He obviously doesn't want my help bad enough to want to talk to me. Well that's all for tonight. I need to get some sleep since I will be getting up with S at 6:30 am.
~Kristin
*Update
I bought the book Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. I have read the first 4 chapters and already know this book is really going to help me. Earlier in the day I text the husband and asked if he was mad at me since he still hasn't spoken to me since Sunday night. His response was "this is not the time, nor the place to describe how I feel..." I responded "Can you at least tell me what's going on, I'm worried about you." His response "Nope...I need r help telling the Drs what I'm like without the correct meds...Hold on for the ride! I love u!" My response " So you would rather put me through hell than talk to me and tell me what's going on?" His response "Yep, this is all about u...Yak..." My response "I never said this was all about me but damn don't you care about how I'm feeling at all? I care about how you're feeling and I want to help where I can but if you don't talk to me how am I supposed to know how to help you?" His response: NOTHING. There ya have it folks. He obviously doesn't want my help bad enough to want to talk to me. Well that's all for tonight. I need to get some sleep since I will be getting up with S at 6:30 am.
~Kristin
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Rough Days
The last few days have been pretty rough around here. Corey had a bad day at work on Saturday. He left his phone at home so I had no way of getting ahold of him to talk to him about our plans for the night. He called me from work at about 7pm. We discussed the plans of going to the Medford street dance and he mentioned he had a bad day. I didn't really press for any more information at that point since he had to get back to work. When he got home around 8:30 he was very crabby. We got in the van and he was just being weird and I suggested we just stay home.
We ended up going to the street dance for about an hour then went to pick up S and went home. I went to bed because I would have to get up with S at 6:30am and Corey went out to the lake. After he left I sent him a text saying that if he was going out there to use again I would find out. We haven't spoken much since then.
Sunday was Father's Day. Corey's parents and brother, and my dad and brother all came over and we grilled burgers for lunch. The day overall was good, but Corey was in a crappy mood all day. I left the house at about 4:30 and went to supper with Kathy and then we went to the Al-anon meeting at 7. It was a good meeting and I was in a great mood when we left there. Then I got home about 10pm and there was Corey, sitting in the dark, watching TV, grumpy. I tried to have a conversation with him but all I got was one word answers.
Yesterday was Monday. Corey slept until 3pm. Got up, got ready for work and went back to sleep in the chair in the living room. When he got up to go to work he left without saying goodbye to me and S. I tried texting him a couple times to see how his night was going and I got no response.
Today he said "bye honey" to me before he left for work and that was it. Hasn't called me, texted me or said anything more to me today. I am at the point now where I will not be the one to start the conversation. Call me childish, but every time he gets into funks like this, its always me trying to fix it and make him happy. He needs to choose his own attitudes and I need to choose mine. I'm hoping he will get outta this funk soon and we can move on. I feel bad for not helping him and doing things for him but at the same time, when I do those things I am being an enabler and I don't need to do that anymore.
Well I think that's enough for tonight. I'm sure I'll have more to tell tomorrow. Until then...
Kristin
We ended up going to the street dance for about an hour then went to pick up S and went home. I went to bed because I would have to get up with S at 6:30am and Corey went out to the lake. After he left I sent him a text saying that if he was going out there to use again I would find out. We haven't spoken much since then.
Sunday was Father's Day. Corey's parents and brother, and my dad and brother all came over and we grilled burgers for lunch. The day overall was good, but Corey was in a crappy mood all day. I left the house at about 4:30 and went to supper with Kathy and then we went to the Al-anon meeting at 7. It was a good meeting and I was in a great mood when we left there. Then I got home about 10pm and there was Corey, sitting in the dark, watching TV, grumpy. I tried to have a conversation with him but all I got was one word answers.
Yesterday was Monday. Corey slept until 3pm. Got up, got ready for work and went back to sleep in the chair in the living room. When he got up to go to work he left without saying goodbye to me and S. I tried texting him a couple times to see how his night was going and I got no response.
Today he said "bye honey" to me before he left for work and that was it. Hasn't called me, texted me or said anything more to me today. I am at the point now where I will not be the one to start the conversation. Call me childish, but every time he gets into funks like this, its always me trying to fix it and make him happy. He needs to choose his own attitudes and I need to choose mine. I'm hoping he will get outta this funk soon and we can move on. I feel bad for not helping him and doing things for him but at the same time, when I do those things I am being an enabler and I don't need to do that anymore.
Well I think that's enough for tonight. I'm sure I'll have more to tell tomorrow. Until then...
Kristin
The Beginning
Welcome to my blog. I have never done this before, so here goes nothing.
July 31st. 2006 was mine and Corey's first date. We dated for a year and a half before getting engaged in March of 2008. Corey and I got along great. We had a lot of fun together and understood each other. So I thought. On April 18th 2009 we got married. It was a wonderful day! All of our family was there and the rain held off until after the wedding. That night after we got home I learned something about Corey that would forever change our lives. He was addicted to marijuana. I know, I know, could be something worse right? Yeah, thats true but this is an illegal drug and he was addicted to it, not just using it randomly. The monday after our wedding we left for Mexico for a week. We had many ups and downs during the week. I was still in shock from learning about the pot use and was just having a hard time dealing with it.
We made it throught the next couple months. On June 22nd, 2009 my best friend Karen had her first child! A little girl! So adorable, I was in love with her and wanted a baby myself so bad. One week later on June 29th 2009 I went to the doctor to get meds for a UTI (tmi, sorry). It is standard practice for the dr to do a pregnancy test so they give you the right meds. Well the dr came in and said the pregnancy test was positive. I was scared, nervous, happy, excited, terrified, and sick all at the same time. I seriously almost threw up on the dr's lap!
So the dr wrote me a script for porenatal vitamins and I took them to Cash Wise and had them filled. While I was waiting I called my bff Karen and told her the news (yes, before I even told Corey). I didn't want to tell Corey over the phone but I HAD to tell someone. I called Corey and made sure he was going to be home when I got there. He could tell something was up, but had no idea what. I pulled up in the driveway and he was sitting in a chair in the garage. I pulled out my bottle of prenatal vitamins and handed them to him. It took him a minute to realize what they were and that I was pregnant. We were both in shock! That night we went to Albert Lea and told my parents. The next night we had supper with Corey's parents and told them. Our families were very excited! So were we!
My due date was March 6th 2010. In late October 2009 I had the big ultrasound and the dr determined we would be having a little girl! I was SO happy to have a girl! Corey was too. I started to have a lot of swelling in my feet and hands at the beginning of December and was put on restrictions at work. I was only allowed to work 4 hours a day and couldn't lift anything over 15lbs. By the middle of December I had so much swelling that my ears were being plugged and I couldn't hear. I thought I had an ear infection so I went to the dr and they gave me meds. A week later work was shut down for the Christmas break. I went back to the dr because my ears were worse. The nurse checked my blood pressure and it was 152/92. Extremely high. At that point they weren't worried about my ears. I was wheeled to the hospital and monitored for awhile. I gave a urine sample and I had protien in my urine. I was given the option of going to Rochester or to the Cities because I was only 29 weeks pregnant. I chose Rochester. I was immediately started on an iv drip of magnesium to prevent seizures and strokes and given a shot in my butt of steriods to help the baby's lungs mature. I was taken to Rochester by ambulance and Corey met us over there in the truck. I was admitted to Rochester's Labor and Delivery unit at the Methodist hospital right away. They monitored me for a day and a hlaf and determined I had Severe Pre-eclampsia. They needed to take the baby out as soon as possible. On December 24th 2009, Savannah was born at 12:14 pm via c-section. She weighed 2lbs. 9oz. and was 15 inches long. She was born at 30 weeks gestation.
Savannah was intubated and taken to St. Mary's NICU in Rochester. She spent a total of 8 weeks and 3 days in the NICU. While Savannah was in the hospital I lived at the Ronald McDonald house so I could be with her every day. Corey moved into our new house in January 2010 and went to work during the week then stayed in Rochester with me and Savannah on the weekends.
February 8th 2010, Corey went to work and ended up leaving early because the weather was bad. Once he got home he started drinking and using pot. He had a mental breakdown that night. Corey called an ambulance and was taken to the Mental Unit at Owatonna Hospital. This is where he was diagnosed as Bi-polar. Savannah was still in the hospital in Rochester so I had to be in 2 places at once which wasn't working very well.
Savannah was released from St. Mary's on February 21st, 2010. Corey was still in the mental unit in Owatonna so we stopped there to visit him. After spending 3 weeks in the mental unit Corey was released to Fountain Treatment center in Albert Lea for alcohol and chemical dependecy. Since then He has been on numerous medications and none of them seem to be working. This is my blog to write about what goes on around here on a day to day basis and to help me cope with my emotions.
Thanks for reading.
July 31st. 2006 was mine and Corey's first date. We dated for a year and a half before getting engaged in March of 2008. Corey and I got along great. We had a lot of fun together and understood each other. So I thought. On April 18th 2009 we got married. It was a wonderful day! All of our family was there and the rain held off until after the wedding. That night after we got home I learned something about Corey that would forever change our lives. He was addicted to marijuana. I know, I know, could be something worse right? Yeah, thats true but this is an illegal drug and he was addicted to it, not just using it randomly. The monday after our wedding we left for Mexico for a week. We had many ups and downs during the week. I was still in shock from learning about the pot use and was just having a hard time dealing with it.
We made it throught the next couple months. On June 22nd, 2009 my best friend Karen had her first child! A little girl! So adorable, I was in love with her and wanted a baby myself so bad. One week later on June 29th 2009 I went to the doctor to get meds for a UTI (tmi, sorry). It is standard practice for the dr to do a pregnancy test so they give you the right meds. Well the dr came in and said the pregnancy test was positive. I was scared, nervous, happy, excited, terrified, and sick all at the same time. I seriously almost threw up on the dr's lap!
So the dr wrote me a script for porenatal vitamins and I took them to Cash Wise and had them filled. While I was waiting I called my bff Karen and told her the news (yes, before I even told Corey). I didn't want to tell Corey over the phone but I HAD to tell someone. I called Corey and made sure he was going to be home when I got there. He could tell something was up, but had no idea what. I pulled up in the driveway and he was sitting in a chair in the garage. I pulled out my bottle of prenatal vitamins and handed them to him. It took him a minute to realize what they were and that I was pregnant. We were both in shock! That night we went to Albert Lea and told my parents. The next night we had supper with Corey's parents and told them. Our families were very excited! So were we!
My due date was March 6th 2010. In late October 2009 I had the big ultrasound and the dr determined we would be having a little girl! I was SO happy to have a girl! Corey was too. I started to have a lot of swelling in my feet and hands at the beginning of December and was put on restrictions at work. I was only allowed to work 4 hours a day and couldn't lift anything over 15lbs. By the middle of December I had so much swelling that my ears were being plugged and I couldn't hear. I thought I had an ear infection so I went to the dr and they gave me meds. A week later work was shut down for the Christmas break. I went back to the dr because my ears were worse. The nurse checked my blood pressure and it was 152/92. Extremely high. At that point they weren't worried about my ears. I was wheeled to the hospital and monitored for awhile. I gave a urine sample and I had protien in my urine. I was given the option of going to Rochester or to the Cities because I was only 29 weeks pregnant. I chose Rochester. I was immediately started on an iv drip of magnesium to prevent seizures and strokes and given a shot in my butt of steriods to help the baby's lungs mature. I was taken to Rochester by ambulance and Corey met us over there in the truck. I was admitted to Rochester's Labor and Delivery unit at the Methodist hospital right away. They monitored me for a day and a hlaf and determined I had Severe Pre-eclampsia. They needed to take the baby out as soon as possible. On December 24th 2009, Savannah was born at 12:14 pm via c-section. She weighed 2lbs. 9oz. and was 15 inches long. She was born at 30 weeks gestation.
Savannah was intubated and taken to St. Mary's NICU in Rochester. She spent a total of 8 weeks and 3 days in the NICU. While Savannah was in the hospital I lived at the Ronald McDonald house so I could be with her every day. Corey moved into our new house in January 2010 and went to work during the week then stayed in Rochester with me and Savannah on the weekends.
February 8th 2010, Corey went to work and ended up leaving early because the weather was bad. Once he got home he started drinking and using pot. He had a mental breakdown that night. Corey called an ambulance and was taken to the Mental Unit at Owatonna Hospital. This is where he was diagnosed as Bi-polar. Savannah was still in the hospital in Rochester so I had to be in 2 places at once which wasn't working very well.
Savannah was released from St. Mary's on February 21st, 2010. Corey was still in the mental unit in Owatonna so we stopped there to visit him. After spending 3 weeks in the mental unit Corey was released to Fountain Treatment center in Albert Lea for alcohol and chemical dependecy. Since then He has been on numerous medications and none of them seem to be working. This is my blog to write about what goes on around here on a day to day basis and to help me cope with my emotions.
Thanks for reading.
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